Top Ten Reasons to try Online Dating (David Letterman Style)

10.Your grandmother who has dementia calls you an old maid.

9. You and your friends find joy in making bets on when other people will get married.

8. You start to get gray hairs in places you cannot mention on this blog.

7. Your mother refers to you and your friends as spinsters.

6. You haven't been on a date since the Clinton years.

5. When you're sad that the local crackhead/drunk doesn't hit on you anymore.

4.When your Friday night plans consists of your girlfriend tweezing your one chin hair.

3.When you think of your male friends who you would never date as a potential boo.

2. When going to Whole Foods and Trader Joe's is a highlight of your social life.

and the # one reason you should try online dating (drum roll please)

1. When you've got more movies in your Netflix queue than you've got eggs (in your ovaries that is)

Finally Free........

I tried, really I did. I at the very least put my somewhat, almost, kinda sorta best foot forward when it came to Ok Stupid, whoops, I mean OkCupid.com but I couldn't do it any longer. After a good two months I had to call it quits. As I stated in an earlier post, their matching philosophy (whatever that was) was strange, and to be honest, I wasn't all that fond of the matches they sent me. Now can I say that I am more pleased with eHarmony right now? The verdict is still out. In the meantime, Sassy is still looking for love, or should I say looking for love to find me.

PS: I should probably mention that I just disabled my account for the time being which means I can come back later if I choose. Don't ask me why, I will more than likely delete it in the near future. Please remind me to do so in the event I get desperate, I mean curious. :)

a few....Random Thoughts

....Who would have thought that I would be giving dating and love advice to one of my earlier e-harmony matches?

....You're 24, I'm 30 something, no I'm not going to date you. If I had you as a teenager you could be my son. Besides, I don't have enough cash to be a cougar.

....No, I don't want to be your friend, sorry your 47, too old for me (too old, too young, am I picky?)

....No, I don't want to go to happy hour with you, not after the things I found when I Googled you...lol

....Is there any particular reason why you are trying to look hard core at this age? Beat it!

....Are you really that pressed to give me all your contact info before even saying hello (work, home cell, email etc.) I'm not attracted to you unfortunately.

.... Really, your one word answers are killing me. Forget it!

....I keep closing my eyes and hoping you will disappear when I open them. #goaway 

 

Poll Results

Would you rather 

Be Married 

or Live Together?

100% of the poll takers said the would rather be married

 Go to the sidebar on the right and cast your vote in our next poll 

Would you date your friend's ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend?

 

Why Why Why (with a question mark)

I'm active on eHarmony again if I haven't filled you in and after sending a simple hello how are you email to a guy who was interested, this is the response I received. Verbatim.


"HEY HEY SASSY AND HW ARE UUUUUU.. HW IS THE LIFE.. HW IS THE HEART. NICE TO SEE I GET A LIL TYPE TALK... MAYBE THE FACE WILL SMILE.. SOO HW IS THE TIME SPENT.. I TAKE IT NO ONE SPECIAL.. ANY KIDS... BIG FAMILY... AS FOR MEEEEE I AM TRING TO LIVE THE LIFE.. NOOO ONE SPECIAL.. NO LIL ONES.. NEED TO HAVE THE QUEEN FIRST.. MAYBE ONE DAY I WILL GET TO BE APPRECIATED AND GET THAT ATTN... HOPE HE WKEND WAS GOOD FOR YHA.. MAYABE I WILL GET A MOMENT IN UR DAY TO DAY.. BE GOOD BE SAFEST.. HUGGS.. YEEEEEEEEEE

PS.. DO I GET TO SEE A PIC OR 12.;)"

PS: He's 37 year old into the music industry and this is how he looked in all his pics complete with gold chains, bracelet and ring. With that being said, why I responded is beyond me. Crazy perhaps? Perhaps. I would say Calgon take me away but I need something much MUCH stronger.

Ok Cupid? No, Ok Stupid!

I haven't fully figured out how this OkCupid site works, but what I do know, is that you have to answer a TON of questions (waaaay more than Eharmony) and based on how you answer these questions the site will rate people against your profile. Their rating system cracks me up. They tell you how much, using percentages a person is compatible with you but in sort of a dumb way.

For example Josh is:

 61% Match 68% Friend 19% Enemy

I'm guessing they are saying that we would be better friends than lovers however we would more than likely argue a lot based on the the fact that we disagree on 19% of the questions answered.

Eric is 

82% Match 77% Friend 4% Enemy

So we'd be a better couple than friends and we would only argue a little??? I think I need to re-think being on this site, it's not quite making any sense to me?? Perhaps I have this whole thing wrong, but why would I want to be matched with anyone who's enemy percentage is above 0%? This is making me tired, sheesh!

 

Somebody Feed Me!

I decided to go out with Michael even though I wasn't that attracted to him and even though our conversation leading up to it wasn't all that great. (I think this open mind thing is working against me. lol!) To name a few of our differences, he's a home body, I'm sooo not, He's soft spoken, I'm not. He works waaaaay to much, I don't. He's not that cool, and, well, I am. (ha ha I crack myself up!). With that in mind, why I decided on a restaurant that I frequent is beyond me. For that matter, why I decided to go on the date in the first place is beyond me. Nevertheless, we went anyway and as always the food was fantastic. There was nothing too exciting about the date, however, I was cordial and I attempted to be my normal comedic self. During conversation, however uneventful it was, I told him that what he ordered looked good and he proceeded to ask me if I wanted to try. As I went to pick my fork up to taste, he spoons some up and he proceeds to feed me. How do I say this? AWKWARD! It all happened so fast I didn't know what to do so I took the food and then looked around the restaurant praying no one witnessed it. Yet another post I don't know how to end. Lawd have mercy. lol.

ps: this was our first and last date.

Confidence Defined!

Just scrolling through some profiles today and I come across Ronnie. This is how his self summary reads. Pure comedy I tell ya!

"Well, here's the deal: I'm the best there is, plain and simple. I mean, I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence. You know, nobody can hang with my stuff. I'm just a big hairy american winning machine. If you ain't first, you're last, y'know!"

How does one respond to this??? Who needs comedy when there's online dating??? LOL

Did he really say that?

After a few email exchanges with this guy on Okcupid and without him even knowing my real name, he asks me to go to happy hour. Yeah, how about no. I told him that perhaps we should talk on the phone and email a bit before we decide to do that and he agreed. So, he calls me the other day and proceeds to tell me that the thing that attracted him to my profile was my height. He obviously likes tall women because he also let me know he recently dated a girl who was 6'4". Deep! He tells me that he's 5'9" which by looking at his pictures I think is a fabrication of the truth. He looks more like 5'6"ish.

Nevertheless, since I hadn't had time to upload more than one picture on the site, I told him I would email him a few pictures. I sent one full body pic and a head shot of sorts. He opens the email while we're talking and his response made me wanna hang up the phone. This fool was like oh, you're thick! Huuummm ok, you're thick. I said, well, if that's a problem, we can hang up now and go about our merry way. Not only did I feel a twinge of insecurity because of the way he said it but it also made me kinda angry, I didn't say anything about him being short, nor did I say anything about his stupid glasses or his dumb beard which he calls a soul patch. I had an open mind and I guess I shouldn't have. Yes, I'm playing tit for tat. lol.

Anyway, after that awkward moment, we hang up and because I now had his last name (thanks to him replying to my email) I found some things compliments of Google that were a wee bit on the weird side. I really really want to share it with you all but since I've promised myself that I would always protect the identity of all who I write about I'll be nice. For now at least.  I don't even know how to end this one so I'll just end it.

*update: Dude did end up calling on this week but I didn't call him back. I don't think I will. Ever. But then again you never know with me. lol!

I just don't get you. Nor do I have the strength to figure it out!

So, a few posts ago, I told you all of my desire to experiment with the dating site Okcupid.com. Well, before I could finish my profile the other day, I get a "wink" from a guy and a short friendly message. We exchange a few short emails and find ourselves chatting on the phone the very next day (stay with me here). At the end of that 50 minute phone call which I can admit was nice, he tells me that he's very interested in meeting me to which I responded, " ok, I need to check my schedule."  I was traveling, and truth be told, I wanted to stall because not only did I think it was a bit soon, but I was also thinking about how my face needed to clear up due to all the sugar I've been eating, how I needed to get my hair done and about my eyebrows which were in desperate need of mowing.

Needless to say, after I sent a good morning text the next day he called me, and within 2 minutes of us being on the phone he tries to close the date deal.  He's trying and trying HARD to get me to alter my schedule for the weekend, and I can say in good conscience that he was begging me. Maybe in a more sophisticated grown man kinda way. (Whatever the heck that means!)

Nevertheless, later on that evening (Tuesday) we spoke for about 10 minutes and I gave in. I was going to meet him that Friday after work. (I won't tell you that I convinced two of my girlfriends to go and have dinner there at the same time...lol). So Wednesday comes, I don't hear from him. Thursday comes and I still havent' heard from him so I sent a little text saying hello and have a good day (crickets). Date day comes and I swallowed my pride (or whatever it was) and called. Sounded like the phone picked up and hung up but I could be wrong. At that point I decided that I wasn't trying any longer (because that was already waaaaay more than I would have done for any other guy). I thought to myself that since he was the one who was "gung ho" about meeting that perhaps he would have called to confirm. He didn't, and needless to say I didn't show up either. It was sort of a relief cause I thought perhaps he may have been a bit too old for me.

Instead, I went and got a mani with a friend, had a long conversation with an old classmate and went home to eat my Panera Bread soup and salad for dinner. So for all the Troy's out there in the world, I just don't get you and to be honest, I don't have the strength nor the energy to try and figure it out. On to the next.

SMH = Shaking My Head

I have a confession. I think I may have broken some sort of unspoken online dating rule. I think, but maybe not. I'll let you be the judge. I was matched with this guy who we will call Dan and man oh man was he fine! Cute as a button, and he had a great profile as well. I was attracted to him but the only problem was, some time after we had been matched, he hadn't sent me an email to communicate. 

I should probably tell you here that I've had a 0% response rate when I'm the first one to reach out to a guy, no luck whatsoever. Zip, zero zilch! With that said, I've pretty much decided that I would no longer be the first to reach out, I would let the guy take the lead at least for a little while. A guy friend of mine also on e-Harmony sorta agreed with me.

Because this guy was super cute, adorable and cut quite nicely might I add (he had a picture on the beach posted) I showed his profile to my co-worker. When she saw him she too was drawn to how handsome he was (and to those beautiful blues eyes) so I had the grand idea to try and hook them up. Why not???  (Don't answer that...)

I took the risk, emailed him telling him all about her and how great she was and said how I thought they would be a great match (I'm sure he laughed at this with his friends, I know I would have). I told him  if he was interested, I would send him pictures of her. Of course later I thought "what if he reports me to the site administrators?" Yikes!

Needless to say, ole Danny boy who not only passed up the opportunity to date a fabulous me, also passed up on the opportunity to date a fabulous her.  Oh well, would I do it again? Maybe but not in this fashion, but if I were to personally meet someone and not make a love connection at all, I may try and play matchmaker again. Perhaps I would have better luck. Who knows? In the meantime, all I can do is shake my head. 

Poll Results

Would you relocate for love?

 33%  said yes

0% said no

33% said maybe

33% said if he/she had lots of money, I'm packing my bag. (lol)

 

 Go to the sidebar on the right and cast your vote in our next poll

Would you rather be married or living together?