He shall not be moved!!! - An Online Dating Dilemma from one of our readers

It was March of 2010, and I decided to try my chances on a different online website, blackpeoplemeet.com.  Approximately 3 months after joining the site, I received a message from a tall, dark and handsome gentleman (really, he was!!!).  Let’s call him Ren for privacy reasons (no, I don’t want to rag him out in public for all to know him – smile!)

Ren sent a message to me stating his interest in getting to know me better.  His profile stated that he was 44 years of age, divorced, with 2 children, and that he hailed from the East Detroit, Michigan area.  In his picture, Ren appeared to be a very handsome and distinguished looking gentleman.  He also seemed to be very serious about getting into a relationship based on his profile.  He looked like a great catch to me, so I decided to communicate with him over the site. 

Ren quickly alluded to me that he was ready to settle down and get married if he felt he had found the right person.  He wasted no time in asking me how I felt about marriage.  I told him that I had no problem with it, and that it would be nice to find that right person as well.

Ren then asked if I would be willing to move into his home outside of the Detroit area. I told him that I would consider moving to his side of the country however, to give you some background on me: I live in the Washington, DC metropolitan area, so, based on the current lagging economy in our country right now, I bounced the question right back off of him as well (‘…would you be willing to live in the Washington, DC metro area’?).

Ren responded in so many words to me that he, ‘has a job in Detroit making $35,000 a year and was not about to leave it and risk unemployment’.  (Wow! Really?)

I guess I can understand?!? However, I thought, since DC is, in relation to the rest of the country, more ‘recession proof’ right now, and, I would imagine with the field he is in, he can likely command in at least twice his current salary to start with a similar company here in the DC area - well, I guess his response took me aback (that the salary he makes currently was keeping him in East Michigan - which, btw, is also his hometown).

I learned that day that I had to let this potential relationship go, since we both were not that interested in budging from our respective home cities.  Again, I don’t have a problem with his decision.  This is something that each of us would have to consider in the long term.

I am still single, happy, and….well, maybe next time there will be a more agreeable ‘middle ground’.  Thanks for listening to my online dating dilemma.  :~)